A pause. A long pause. There is never a pause in conversation with my mother.
"Well, yeah, you know we're always here for you! But... what will you do if you can't find a job?"
"I'll have saved up enough money as a cushion and then I'll move to Seattle at the end of August."
"Without a job? Without health care?"
I felt my confidence deflating, slowly, slowly. My chest tightened. My eyes threatened tears.
"I have to do something!" I proclaimed, my voice wavering only slightly. "I can not stay in this job, I can not stay in this apartment, I can not stay in this city. I have to do something!"
I feel so helpless. I feel trapped in technicalities like money and health care when my entire heart and soul is telling me to go.
"I don't think it's that crazy!" I exclaimed, trying desperately to pull her to my side. It's not crazy, you're not crazy, this is not crazy. Maybe it is crazy. Maybe I will get to Seattle and have a break down and think to myself, My GOD, what did I do?!
Or I will stay in this dirty, overpriced apartment, in my dead end, brainless job, in this cruel and soulless city, and I will break down in a different way.
It shouldn't be so hard but it's the hardest thing I have ever had to do.