Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Tortoise Boy Returns

Remember Tortoise boy who stole my gaze from across the room? The one who friended me on facebook and kept me guessing? Well…after a long pause, I was reminded of his presence in the world. That original feeling that crept up the moment I saw him arose once again. A couple months back, while I was dating my last boyfriend, a friend of mine grabbed me at a baby shower, exclaiming that we must speak the moment we found some privacy. The moment we entered a cab leaving the party she loudly exclaimed that she’d found out from another woman at the party that Tortoise boy was moving to Brooklyn that very day.. AND that he’d been thinking of me ever since!

Of course he decides to pop back into my life, once again, while I am dating someone else! Stunned by this news I thought it just my luck to miss a possible.. maybe.. almost chance with him, again.  It didn’t help the uncertainty I was feeling about my last boyfriend or the tough topics that seemed to be coming up in our relationship at such a tender stage. This man that set my heart aflame with just a glance and a snarky comment, was soon to be living in my city, and apparently shared the same instantaneous attraction that I felt months prior.

Twisted in knots, the guilt for feeling such things for a man that was not my boyfriend, started to kill me. I couldn’t get him out of my head or the curiosity out of my heart. Afterall, I didn’t even know Tortoise Boy, we hadn’t even had a single thorough conversation. I worked hard to put him out of my mind and to concentrate on the existing relationship I was apart of. That worked well for a while, until Tortoise Boy decided to send me a happy little sarcastic note via facebook, making his presence known. I kindly and curtly responded, then didn’t hear from him again.. until Easter Sunday.

Exhausted from a day of cooking and hosting, I went to a night service at our church only to find out that he too was there. While speaking to someone else he came up behind me and threw his hands out in surprise so to say, “I’m Here!” I turned around with a startle and a smile saying hello and greeting him with a quick hug. We chatted for a while and shared witty banter. I couldn’t help the glaring observation that the same glee I experienced upon our initial meeting was just not there. I enjoyed his silly humor and was thankful for his bold jaunt across the room, but expected a much grander initial attraction. Before we parted he asked if I’d like to have lunch and got my digits.

In the same fashion as his previous introductions, there was a lengthy pause before I  received word from him again. When I did, it came in the form of a 5 text long text message nervously and sarcastically asking me to have lunch with him that afternoon, followed by all the reasons I would most likely say no. I responded with equal sarcasm, but clearly to the point, telling him I would love to have lunch, but a business meeting that afternoon was preventing me from having lunch with him. That text was followed up by a day full of text messages. I felt so awkward caught in the incessant banter of two people who don’t really know one another, but have clearly made assumptions of the other. I hate that my passion for this stranger has slowed almost to a screeching halt, but happy that reality is confronting fantasy. Perhaps one day I will actually find myself face to face with this man, getting a glimps into who he really is. Then and only then will my true passions and desires have a chance to reveal whether this man is for me or someone else. Let the games begin… again.

1 comment:

Lauren E. said...

isn't dating exhausting?? at least you're learning what you want and what you what you want to stay away from.