Wednesday, May 5, 2010

The Choice To Love

I hadn't been back in a year. Its been too long. So much has changed in a year. The house I grew up in is now occupied by strangers and the only blood relative left in town is an estranged brother. Yet,  it is home to me. The friends that remain are closer than blood and the people, the soil, the beaches, the cafes that raised me, linger. My trip back to the sun came at a perfect time for reelection.. the change is coming, the in-between season has arrived… the buds are brimming forth and I can smell the days ahead. Not sure what is coming or how it will all pan out, but I feel an overwhelming sense of relief that this hard time is passing. My heart is healthier now, my sense of self far more secure and my hope for the future is brighter than ever. 

Going back has refilled me with love, fuel to carry me onto the next. The hugs, full memories of times I felt most known and noticed, the eyes that will still look deep into mine, as if no time has passed, as if this moment is the only one that exists. The time and care put into the fresh baked biscuits it the morning, the hand whipped cream, the lemon curd made from scratch, it's all effortless, delivered to me in the kitchen on beautifully decorated trays and etched glass dishes, paired with tea, just the way I like it. Before I even left town I received a package I could smell from three feet away. I opened it to find fresh cut roses, long sprigs of lavender and branches of rosemary with a note that said, "…this is what awaits you." They chose to love me as their own, long ago.. they heard a distant call of one pointing them to me. I needed their love then, I needed their sweet voices of reason and their gentle guidance, I need them now. Their love for me is unearned, immovable, unchangeable and without regret. Such a love, such close attention paid at the moments needed most, has impacted my life far more than the ruling governments, the education I have received, the opportunities I've had to travel, the powerful voice of the media… this love has trumped all other voices in my life. This I know is true. 

Now I return to the city, once again, and long to give away all I have received. Only the road will show what is next and there too I hope to be one that loves and gives unabashedly.