It Is Finished

I cannot begin to ask the questions why. They’ve already been asked and there is no answer…something just wasn’t right. He was so kind to me. The gifts he gave me I will always cherish. I told him it’d be hard to ever date again, because he’d set such a high standard for me. How he’d accompany me home on the subway, all the way up uptown, and if not he’d pay for a cab. He sent me flowers to Scotland, the poems the songs the music he gifted me. His witty and engaging e-mails every morning and every night, I will miss them every day. Amongst all of the things he blessed me with, the greatest gift was the way he saw me. He did not subjectify me, which so many do.. he truly saw me for who I was and dug to find out more. The random nooks and crannies of my personality he cherished even the parts of me that confused him and caught him off guard. There is something so right about him and just not right about us. I cannot put my finger on it nor discern the reason.

We had the discussion last night. Something in me feels remorse, yet settled. We hunkered over candles at our favorite French café. We broke the fast with a glass of wine. We stared at each other with painful stares, we reminisced and I told him all the ways he’s impacted me. He told me he wasn’t a great friend and probably wouldn’t be in contact for a while. We spoke of all the things we never said and he prayed blessings over me before we parted. With tears in my eyes and pain hidden behind his, we hugged in the rain as he put me in a cab. It is finished.